Laugh Zone - Kids' Chronicles from J

When your 3 year old loves wordplay in the car: "We're going to DirtyBurgs" & "Turn off the AirCondish"

K waltzes into the bathroom to change his pjs, "Mom I need some privaseat"

"When I was bigger than you, Mom, I will drive you to Chuck e Cheese" says K or more recently to R, "When I'm bigger, I will drive you to work"

"When I was a baby, I couldn't eat you!" says K to R. "You can't eat me now either" comes the reply

"It's so cold, I burnt my tongue", says K after eating an ice cube

You know you have older kids in the house when your 2 year old says, "This is play date" while showing everyone his newly acquired Play Dough

R got a word problem to solve today and had to fill in the blank, choosing the word from the list that fit the best. The bride & groom had _________ the night before the wedding. This is also called getting 'cold feet'. He chose 'sole' because he thought it was tradition for the bride & groom to eat fish before the wedding (of course the correct word was misgivings).

"Mom's finally got her snazz on", says Z when I said I wanted French dressing on my sandwich.

"It's like watching a non-fiction movie!" says R upon seeing baby K on the video monitor for the first time

"My taste buds are full of joy", says Z upon having her first afternoon tea at a 'faaancy' tea place

Upon finding out he was woken up to be taken to the bathroom at night, K says "What! I was pee-sleeping?"

"Why do you want to vote for Obama, R?! He has already been a president for two years!" Says Z, siding with her granddad.

"Love is in the air," says Z after discussing Valentine's Day at school and while talking about her end of the year show, "..and this part the girls will love, there will be peacocks and a wedding!"

When the tables are turned: "You're wrong, dad, I'm right!", says R.

I say annoyingly "Z, wear your jacket the right way" to which she replies, after giving up protesting "fine, I will wear it the old fashioned way!"

R upon me saying I've been around longer than he has, "But my brain is fresher"

While watching the Royal Wedding: R " Weddings are girlyish and boring and the bride took too long to come." Z, " Is the prince the guy with no hair next to the one with hair"

After hearing about Irene in school, Z comes back home and ponders, "Is the hairy cane coming tonight?"

And when they start testing whether they're smarter than you: "What's that thing called dad on tv... that Diego is flying?" Showing signs of age, it's not really on the tip of my tongue "..a... he's on surf thingy... ah.." He patiently, and with hint of satisfaction, which if he was not a kid, would be cruel satisfaction, says "A hang glider!

"S says "You're a funny girl, Z!" and she quickly blurts out "I'm not a funny girl... I'm a girl"

"When I am younger, dad, I can get a bigger skateboard... and a bigger D" says R.

Proud that we are raising environmentally conscious kids: "R, can dogs be recycled?" says Z. "No, Z!".."What about cats?" comes the reply.

You know you're raising conscientious kids, when: Seeing R's whacky moves, S asks him if he would like to join Karate school, and his reply goes "Mom, I want to go to Karate class.... but in a few weeks when I'm taller!"

Z is biting into crayons and telling me not to tell her off because - apparently - "ALL the kids do that!"

R asks me, "What is God doing?" "Watching over you, R" I say very quickly. "WHAT! He's watching a movie?!"

A, R's imaginary friend, is at a diner, having a seaweed and bologna bagel. "We should stay away from that diner", he says.

"I want for my sporting things to play sports new baseball cap, football helmet, Z's new hat, boxing gloves, tennis racquet and tennis ball too, baseball and glove to catch it, and that's all my sport things to.. play with my sports, and Daddy, do you like bees or are u scared of bees, are they friends to boys or gr...own ups...." on and on Ro goes this morning.

So, here's an example of getting told off by your kids with ammo you gave them in the first place: "Guys! Be quiet, we're in a restaurant!" After that I can so see him becoming a lawyer or a judge, but apparently he wants to be something different.

"Do you want to be a lawyer" nudge, nudge, "No, a rockstar"

This reminds me of the hilarious Italian mafia accent by Hugh Grant aka Mickey Blue Eyes: "No! I doin' it" says Z whenever you try doing things for her.

"Daddy, look! that eagle is eating Obama's flag! I have to save it." R. Also, Z looking at a picture of William Shakespeare and saying "That's President Obama!"

How to tell that Z is learning about the solar system: Z's toy princess to R's toy Bakugan: "Hi, I am from New York, where are you from?" "I am from Mars" comes the sly reply. "Well, there is no water on Mars" the wooden princess says, condescendingly.

"I want to go the Chinese restaurant that has chopsticks," says R.

R's rationale for Halloween candy: "but this is candy, not chocolate, Daddy! It's good for my teeth!"

"... but dad ...but dad, trust me, I am not sleepy," says R

Shocker of the day: "Hi Boys!", says Z.

Seeing people in the lobby downstairs passing us by, Z decides to embarass us silly: "Who's that?!" And R, at her age, would always say "I don't like her" to someone who is in the elevator with us, making that elevator journey rather long and excruciating for us.

Z's rendition of itsy bitsy spider "...went up the water spout, down came the rainbow.."

And when you have no answer: "Why do you have to go to work?" says R.

Today I found out from R that apparently Titanosaurus (God --and Google-- only knows how it is spelt) is a herbivore; T-Rex (phonetically speaking) eats meat and fish, "just like me", he says.

"A chameleon is something that changes colors so that when the crows and birds get hungry they will not eat it" An emphatic statement in the morning from R while watching Sesame Street's episode on the word camouflage.

R: "He's sticked, Mum" Mum: "He's stuck" R: "No Mum, he's not stuck, he's supposed to sit like that!

"On the way to school, noticing at least three Dunkin' Donuts that fall in our route, R goes "I want to open a Dunkin' Donuts!" If I ever needed a moment to be proud of my son, this was it, and capitalizing on it, I said "Oh, you want to open a business?" "Yes, I want to open a business ...customers will come in and we'll give them chocolate donuts with sprinkles and coffee... and ice cream!" I wanted to say "R, you had me at "customers" but I only smiled and felt proud that he was ready to open his own business at the age of 3 and that I could finally (after all of 3+ years) sit back and see him become his own man. [He did express the concern the following day of how he'll reach the counter but I told him his Dunkin' Donuts is by the kids for the kids so we'll keep the counter within reach of kids. To that after some thought, he said "where do I get pieces [to build I guess] for Dunkin' Donuts?"]

Today, Z, just shy of her second birthday tests me on letters. She points with her finger to the letters in the word 'cold' and tests me on saying it out loud (only a few minutes earlier she had surprised me by actually saying --uprompted-- out loud all the letters in the words in this Book of Opposites).

"R, what is your favorite letter?" I say. "R&D" he says.

On way to school today while giving me a Math lesson on addition, R instituted an emotional side to Math that I never thought was possible. "How about we minus 1 from 2 now?", I said. "Minus?", he asked. "Minus, means take away" Gesturing with fingers, I say "2 take away... minus 1.." "No, No!" he interrupts. "I don't like minus. Minus is taking away. I don't like when you take away things. Taking is not nice! I like plus"

Today, he goes "do you know where maple trees come from? ..."From maple syrup.

"Z, just a month after her 2nd birthday, takes one look at the toy laptop I showed her and goes "Where's the mouse?!"

"I feel my heart, dad," says R putting his hand on his heart. "What does it feel like?!" I say. "It feels like a pancake!" he replies. 

"What are you going to be, dad, when you grow up really really big?" asks R. "A lawyer," I reply and then ask him "What are you going to be when you are really really big?" "When I am really really big, really really big, I ...will be HUGE!"

This morning I got R swimming trunks for his sprinkler party/play at school. He got rather sad when he looked at them. "But dad," he said making a sad face, "I thought they had those really long things that elephants have!"

When trying to explain the concept of not eating and keeping a fast to R, I got the following question: "because grown ups have big tummies?" "No, coz God says so!" I said. "but I didn't hear him!?!" he replies. "It's fasting, R," to which Z (all bewildered) jumps in and says "Not slow, dad?!"

8/14/10: R was able to correctly calculate 10+10+18 in his head.

Recently getting introduced to the idea of a husband and a the cleaning lady who works in our building is "the wife of Milton, R," I said to him when he asked me her name. So, the other day I called from work and he picks up. After a few minutes, I tell him "Go, call mom!" and he says "Okay," then walks off and I hear "Mom!'s your husband!"

"Who's Cindy, R?! "She's the one who cries when I run after her!" (Apparently, she's in Z's class (rather the class room she will be bumped up to for being ultra smart). Z was telling me about her and he butted in to explain (quite vividly) who she was. Also, it turns out that it isn't Cindy, it's Sidney. He corrected both Z and me.)

Felt glad that my kids are better at asking questions than I ever was when he straight out asked me "What is the name of your first school, dad?" and then asked the same question, very patiently, to S, "What is your school called?" and when he was not that satisfied, "Where were you born?" first directing that question to me and then, in turn, to S. And, then he goes "Z and I were born in same state, how come you guys were born in different places?" and then randomly, "Our school is Bright Horizons.

"While discussing my birthday present with S, R whispers rather loudly and then walks around to me and says "It's nothing...we were talking about Silence..."

"Dad, does a day have two weekends?" No, R, a weekend has two days!"

R overhears S telling me "R's teacher, Annie, says he has manners of a gentleman," and shouts "She also says I eat like a teenager!"

This morning (2/15/11) I--like I need any reason to-- was talking to my car and R says "Cars, don't talk" to which I rightly pointed out "Of course, they do, R." He's wasn't convinced and kept insisting "No! Cars can't talk" and I said "Oh, really? How do YOU know!?!" and he quickly blurted out a reply "the car told me!"

From S: While listening to the "ho ho" in Sukhbir's Ishq, Z proclaims " Mama, Santa says ho ho" -- Mama shakes head in half-amusement half-exasperation!!!! Time to move back home?? 

"Look R, that kid is riding a bicycle with one wheel!" I said. "NO, dad, that's a unicycle." came the reply from the backseat of the car.  Hmph, I stand corrected, once again. [3/27/11]

Z's teacher asked her what she wants to be when she grows up "A pilot!" To which the teacher goes "a pilot?!?" "yes a pilot, y'know one who flies a plane"

Z asks us what is moving with us to the new apartment [4/18/11] and one by one asks "is this moving, is this moving". "yes, Z, this is and this and this." Finally, coming to the blinds, she goes is this? and we say "no, these are staying". She starts crying out "I will miss the blinds!"

Z on her school project "I'm a million excited!" [4/12/11]

Z's teacher asked her what she wants to be when she grows up "A pilot!" To which the teacher goes "a pilot?!?" "yes a pilot, y'know one who flies a plane" [4/15/11]

S [5/11/11]: While reading the word "just" out loud, R suddenly exclaims "Justin Beaver" and I say "How do you know who Justin Bieber is R?" to which he replies, "All my friends talk about him and Katy Perry too". So much for my ultra conservative approach to TV sigh...

So this morning R and I had a debate about whether mom should be spelt mam. "I say m-a-m not m-oo-m!"

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